Today......a strange air



It’s a very abrupt and weird feeling suddenly engulfing me today…….the desire to write has become so irresistible that I had to leave my lunch and sit in the library to write it. Here I am…..all alone, in the midst of some geeks thinking in every possible way how to propagate my thoughts to others.  


I have grown so indifferent these days, so weirdly acting to stimuli, I duno what’s up within me. It’s an impulsive and aggressive feeling of destroying everything around me, be it love, friends, family, studies…….and every other string attached to me. It’s like ultimate isolation has become my dominant aim.  I want to fly free……far away from the consequences of the detached strings. I am vulnerable to emotions now. There are so many feelings at the same time; I don’t understand which one to absorb. So I reflect any that comes my way. I still don’t understand the simple and stupid things of life. Life has become a total zero when it comes to doing something that pleases me. IIT governs me, friends rule me, some body or the other tries to  tame me.... C mon folks!!!! I am not ur sly kitten u can place ur orders on. Does anybody really care about my bottle depth.....whatever...????  Just becuz I am not dominant enough doesn’t really mean I have given u the right to do so…..It’s like everybody around me is changing. I stand nowhere with them. I know change is constant and I cannot change the fact that everybody’s different now. I neither know them nor love them anymore . This nostalgia is eating me up from within. I have lost the ability to alter myself to changes perhaps. May be I am too scared or possibly I have fallen in love with me so desperately that i always want to be me.


I just wished there was this one person on earth who could see the world, the beauty of everything the way I did.  The 2-faced personality doesn’t really work for me how much ever I try to. To survive among my own kind is the toughest of all jobs I have faced . Any projects or assignments I do are indifferent from the job of connecting with people. After all it involves me psychologically and mentally and physically. Trust me it’s the hardest of all I could feel. All I can do is hope that everything around me and inside me gets normal. I don’t know if I actually succeeded in expressing my nostalgia, just that today I feel so unwanted , useless and reckless creature on this planet, totally jobless and well, I don’t want to praise much, but the life of an ant I killed yesterday was probably worthier…….

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